Picture this, You get home from work and your kids have made the house an absolute mess. The living room is now transformed into the children’s playroom. Your kitchen is now permanently stained on your new couch. The house wreaks of dirty diapers and is covered in lipstick scribbled walls. Your kids run to you and ask what is for dinner. You wife has not yet returned home from work. All you want to do is pass out on the couch and forget all your worries. As you walk past the window, you notice that your neighbor is just parking his car. His three kids and housewife walk out to greet him. His kids don’t rush, but instead walk in an orderly line to give him a hug. His wife wears a cooking apron, as if she’s prepared dinner for their family. You can’t help but think what the inside of their house must look like, let alone smell like. Then your kid’s babysitter brings you back to reality by telling you what a nightmare your children have been. She proceeds to tell you she has found another job and no longer wishes to tend your children.
You begin to wonder what the difference is between your family and your neighbor’s? Where did you go wrong? You have always been a good Dad, or so you think.
The difference is that your wife has bore three kids, and then returned back to work to help support your family. Your kids have been looked after by a nanny for the past five years. Your neighbors wife has also bore three kids. Instead of going back to work, her family sacrifices an extra vacation each year so that she can stay at home and be
with the kids. Your kids are not any less of good kids as the neighbors, they have just been raised in very different ways. Your kids only see their parents twice a day. They see you in the mornings before work, and at night after work. They pick up good and not so good habits from their nanny. They learn all the necessities, but at school. They are not set down to finish their homework after school. Instead, they get home and run to the television to play video games, or catch up on the latest cartoons.
At the same time, your neighbors wife wakes up before the dawn and makes a homemade breakfast for her husband and kids. She stays at home while everyone is away at work, and school. She cooks and cleans and takes care of all the household chores. When their kids return, she sits down with the kids and helps them with their leftover homework. They are given a healthy snack and after all homework is finished, the kids are allowed to play until their father gets home.
Working moms sacrifice the time they could be spending with their children for the time they spend at their jobs earning money to help support the family. Both have a huge impact on your kid’s childhood, and the decision to do one or the other should not be taken lightly. Being a stay at home mom and being a working mother are both very important factors in your children’s life. Stay at home moms sacrifice the extra money they could be earning at a job for the time they stay at home to support and raise their children, and in my opinion, you can not put a price on your children’s childhood.
In a small survey that I conducted to 50 mothers (both working and stay at home moms) over half of the mom’s said that they have never wished they had chosen a career
over being a stay at home mom. Jan Campbell of Logandale, Nevada even said, “ Being a
stay at home mom is a full time job!” Stay at home moms, work from sun up to sun down. Whether they are cleaning, cooking, paying bills, or teaching, they are always busy working. Besides taking care of the children, stay at home mothers are able to get more things done around the house. This is worthy of working mothers to consider.
In the book entitled Staying Home by Darcie Sanders and Martha M. Bullen, it says, “ Many women think this is the toughest decision they’ll ever make- whether to stay on the career “fast track” or to turn their back on the workplace and head for home. Although it can seem that way, the decision to become an at-home mother is not as black or white as it appears. There are any number of possibilities- from taking a few months’ leave of absence to staying home for a year or two to staying home until all your children are in school or longer- and these decisions can be modified at any time. Often a woman does not make a decision to stay home full-time until her second or third child comes along” ( Sanders & Bullen 16) More mothers need to see all of the options that they have availabe to them, and make their choice from there, not just assumer they have no option.
I am not sure that many women actually realize how many options are available, that its not just stay at home or work. Most women who either choose to stay home, or go to work feel strongly about their choice, and have thoroughly thought it through. After learning how many options are really out there, the mother must make her choice of what she wants to do. The stay at home mom’s family must sacrifice what she could be earning at a full time job, while the working mother’s family must sacrifice the time she could be spending with her family. Now that all of the options are known, it is time for the mother to make her choice. But a mother must highly consider every option.
Sanders and Bullen go over some issues to consider while making the choice.
Some of the issues are, “financial considerations, will your family be able to survive off
of one spouse’s pay? Will you be satisfied being a stay at home mom? Have you considered the major changes your family’s lifestyle will go through? How will the pressures affect the working spouse? How can you keep an equal rights household? Do you have support from family and friends? What is best for your children” ( Sanders and Bullen 31). These questions are great for determining what the best decision for you will be. They cover most of the situations you will go through with either choice you decide to make.
No matter which choice you decide to make, there are pros and cons with both.
Yes, stay at home mom’s get to raise their kids, teach them life lessons, have a clean house, and happy family. But, they sometimes are looked down on in society as lowly, uneducated women. Joanna Alvarado of Texas has this to say, “ The worst part is the perception of society. As an example- my husband and I are refinancing our house from a 30 year mortgage to 15 year. The loan officer today was having trouble pulling one of my credit scores. So he simply said to me, ‘Why don’t we just make the loan out in your husbands name and use his credit scores, because you don’t really contribute to the family anyway’.”
If only that loan officer was able to spend just one day in the life of a stay at home mom. I do believe he would reword his statement to Mrs. Alvarado. In my opinion, a stay at home mom contributes just as much to the family as her working husband does. She may not get paid for her work, but it is still challenging and it needs to be done whether or not she gets paid. Others do not know the of the importance stay at home mothers have over their home and family. There is no other woman that I would trust more with my life than my own mother. I have had a strong relationship with her, since I was at a young age. This bond is invaluable.
Stay at home Mom’s get to spend a lot more time with their children than working mothers do. You can not put a price on teaching your kids, and making lifelong memories with them. At a young age, these mom’s are able to instill values and manners into their children that they would otherwise never learn. From teaching babies to talk, and walk to teaching them how to ride a bike and send them off to school for their first day, nobody spends more time with these kids than their stay at home mom does. She is able to do the laundry, clean the house, take care of family pets, pay bills, make cupcakes for an upcoming birthday party, go grocery shopping, and cook a nutritional dinner for her family. Not that this is the daily routine of most stay at home moms, I just see my mom do this on an every day basis. Now I am not saying that working Mom’s are not able to do these ‘mom duties’ as well. They just don’t have the time to complete everything in a day while working a full time job.
As far as I can remember, my mom has been by my side pushing me to go that extra mile, and strive for excellence. She taught me how to ride a bike, even a horse. My mom taught me to read, she taught me manners, values, respect, how to love and accept others. She is an example of honesty, hard work, determination, and love. I have never had a stronger relationship with anyone other than my mom. Most children do have that strong relationship with their mother, which probably wouldn’t exist if mom worked a full time job.
Sure the family of the stay at home mom would have less money as that of a working mother’s. Stay at home moms learn to be creative and frugal with financial situations. The family must learn to use their money wisely, and make every dollar stretch
to its limit. Doing so might include skipping a family vacation once in a while, maybe
not quite so many trips to the local convenience store for slurpies and such.
A mother that I interviewed had the chance to work for a while before getting married and having children. If a woman decides to have a job and be a mother, I believe this is the best way to go. To have a job before you are a mom can teach you so much you need to learn before coming a mom. Its good to separate the two, and not bring the frustrations of work home to your children.
In the interview, Joanna Alvarado said the following, “ Luckily I had a career for 15 years prior to being a mom- so I would say that I am blessed to get to have both. I also think that the fact that I have worked in the professional world prior to Mom-hood, it will make going to work easier when my girls get bigger. I have LOTS of work experience to fall back on when it comes time to rejoin the work force. I also think that learning to balance a career has helped me be a better mom. I can juggle multiple tasks and prioritize better then I did when I was younger.” I love how Joanna has gotten the experience of both sides. In fact, she liked the ‘professional world’ so much that she intends on returning when her girls grow bigger. She is a great mom that understands that her young girls need her to stay home with them. She is the mother of two little girls, ages 4 and 7. They are both very well behaved girls. Joanna spends her days cooking, cleaning, and teaching her young girls while they are still young and at home. She understands how fast her girls will grow, and soon they will be out of the house and on their own. Joanna is trying to instill in them at a young age those lessons and values she believes they will need on their own someday to succeed in everyday life.
This is not saying that children of a working mom will not have values, and be unable to take care of themselves. But, children of working mom’s do develop problems. One problem in particular, I noticed develop just this last summer. I babysat a 7 and a 4 year old, while their mom and dad were at work. These little girls were very well behaved while their parents were at home with them. They seldom had problems. Once their parents stepped out the door, the girls would try and convince me that they were allowed to go play in the horse corrals. A complete idiot that knows anything about horses, would know that playing in horse corrals is not safe. I would tell the girls no, and they would throw fits because ‘their mom and dad let them do it all the time.’ Their parents would get home, and I would review how our day went. Most of the time the mom would get mad at the girls about lying. The girls tried to put so many things over my head, that they got confused with their own lies, and their behavior began to take a tumble with their parents as well. It would have been easier for the girl’s if they had the same person with the same rules enforcing them all day. Instead, They had a babysitter jump in and try to enforce new rules. Stay at home mothers enforce their rules with their children. They do not have children trying to act up because mom enforces those rules all day long.
In the book entitled Mothers at Work by Lois W. Hoffman and Lise M. Youngblade, they discuss a case in which the children get home from school and have to take care of themselves, without the supervision of a babysitter. “For Drew, a nine-year-old, and his older brother, twelve, returning home to an empty house is standard. The boys live with their mother and stepfather, both of whom are employed. On the day he described, the boys made their own supper and ate it together at the kitchen table. The
dishes were left for a parent to clean up later. Their mother works until midnight as a nurse, and their stepfather gets home between 6 and 8 P.M. The boys usually wait until the stepfather comes home before having dinner, but on this night, he was picking them up to take them to a baseball game, so they ate ahead of time.” What kind of parents feel comfortable having their kids home alone? Of course in this situation, both parents work in order to support their children.
I cant help but feel pain for these poor boys. What would happen if they had an unexpected and unwanted visitor while they are home alone? What would happen if they had an accident while cooking their own dinner? These young boys are too young to be responsible for their own well being. They should not be left at home unattended. Sure it said that they usually wait for their stepfather to get home before they eat, but who eats at 8 P.M.?
Another problem that some kids of working moms may experience may be feelings or rejection and sensitivity. Hoffman and Youngblade go on to say. “ If the child had 20 or more hours of care per week during the first year, there was a greater likelihood of insecure attachment between baby and mother as measured by the Ainsworth Strange Situation task ( Ainsworth & Wittig, 1969; Belsky & Rovine, 1988; Clarke-Stewart, 1989; Lamb & Sternberg, 1990). These findings were taken as support for the claims that regular and substantial separations between mothers and babies led to feelings of rejection by babies , lowered abilities of mothers to response sensitively to their infants, and caused emotional difficulties in children.”
After reading this study, I cant even imagine leaving my kids with a caretaker. Most mothers don’t know these facts as they are rushing off to work every morning. They are not only causing their babies to feel rejected by their own mothers, but they are also
affecting their response to their own children. Some may think stay at home mom’s don’t really have a job, that they stay at home and sit with their kids all day. When they are building bonds with their children that can not be gained in any other way. Children who attend a daily day care are sure to have a good relationship with their babysitter. But what happens when the child mistakes their mom for the babysitter?
In all actuality, are business woman really making that much more than stay at home moms? After making the car payment the mother needs to get to and from work, filling the gas tank, paying the car insurance bill, paying for daily lunch, and last but not least paying the babysitter for the long hours of watching after the children. These little bills really add up quickly. In my opinion, you cant put a price on your babies childhood. The little amount of extra money just isnt worth the time missed of your children's childhood.
Sure a stay at home mom most likely will have a car as well. But the stay at home mom does not have a nine to five job to be at everyday, she doesn’t have to fill her car up with gas once a week. She is able to save that extra money she would be spending on gas for more important things, such as her family. A businesswoman might be able to make an arrangement with a babysitter for cheap caretaking of her children, but that is still considered a liability that must be payed. Stay at home mothers are making an important decision. They are not going going to work and making extra money for the family, instead they are saving money by not sending the kids to the babysitter everyday. After stay at home moms make their big decision to stay with the kids, they must learn how to be frugal with their money, and make it last since they are not bringing home a regular paycheck. There are many websites that stay at home mothers can visit that have anything from educational games for children to health and wellness of the mother. There are many stay at home mothers out there, and it is easier to do having the support of others. These websites also include online blogs, and boards of stay at home mothers.
After bills are paid, business woman really aren’t making that much more than the family of a stay at home mother. They might be bringing in a little extra money but not enough to make me want to leave my children with a babysitter everyday.
Choosing to go back to work, or stay at home with your children is a huge decision that should not be taken lightly. It doesn’t just affect you as the mother, it affects your husband, and your children, it even affects your family pets! Every mother has her own choice, and she has her own reasons and situation in which she makes her choice. Some families are lucky enough to be financially set that they can afford to have a stay at home mom. Some families can not afford to have a stay at home mom, but they use their money very wisely so that they may be able to stay home. Some women just do not enjoy being a stay at home mom, so they go back to work, leaving their children with a babysitter. In my own opinion, I would rather have happy, healthy kids than the latest pair of fashion boots.
After carefully considering your own family’s financial situation, I urge you to stay at home with your children. Teach them the values you wish to instill in your children rather than hoping the babysitter doesn’t teach them how to swear while your at work. Build that bond with your children that can not be built in any other way. Spend your time with them while they are still young and at home. Take advantage of the time you still have left with them.
Sources
Cohen, Carol Fishman., and Vivian Steir. Rabin. Back on the Career Track: a Guide for Stay-at-home Moms Who Want to Return to Work. New York: Warner Business, 2007. Print. García, Coll Cynthia T., Janet L. Surrey, and Kathy Weingarten. Mothering against the Odds: Diverse Voices of Contemporary Mothers. New York: Guilford, 1998. Print.
Hoffman, Lois Norma Wladis, and Lise M. Youngblade. Mothers at Work: Effects on Children's Well-being. Cambridge: Cambridge UP, 1999. Print.
Sachs, Wendy. How She Really Does It: Secrets of Successful Stay-at-work Moms. Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Long Life, 2005. Print.
Sanders, Darcie, and Martha M. Bullen. Staying Home: from Full-time Professional to Full-time Parent. Boston: Little, Brown, 1992. Print.
Alexander, Carly. ”Honey, will you please fold the laundry, I have a survey to do!” Survey. October 17, 2011.
Familyandhome | Helping Families Spend Generous Amounts of Time Together. Web. 13 Nov. 2011. http://www.familyandhome.org/.
4 Moms At Home. Web. 13 Nov. 2011.
http://www.4momsathome.com/.
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